Quickie...

So sorry everyone. Been crazy busy. Really need to get a new phone so I can stay on top of this. Anyway, I'll post more tomorrow. For some reason I feel like sharing some of my High school stories. So mess up they were. All the rumors they say about the bully jocks are true. I say that much. Big time Homo's and way deep in the closet but so funny how for so called straight guy they love to take it up the ass and suck a big dick. I'll leave it all there for now. I have to hit the bed and get a few.

Cheers.

Aaron

technology

I need some advice. I'm looking at getting a new phone so that I can also Blog from it while in school. Are one have advice on which one is best? I've gone to sever Smart phone providers, but the sales associates are not very knowledgeable of the cababilities of their products. I'd like to try the new Google phone, but no CDN provider has picked it up. I'm torn between the Blackberry Bold or the Iphone. My only concern is the new iPhone4gs comes out in June. What to do???

Cheers

Aaron

"Bitch Factor" X 10

To Cope.
This is one of the main reasons I started this Blog. A tool to aid me in getting through with every life and/or activities. WHY? Because you have to admit there will be times when you get pissed off.... Grrrr.....
Why can't I ever be Angry? I try to hard and I get Ziltch. Like WTF Dude. I want to be mad. But its just not in my nature. Guhh....
....sigh.... "puff"

So, Here is the up update that I so Frik'n need to get off my chest. Girls. Yes GIRLS. Not Woman. Little Girls who try to pretend they are women, but their body language and tone of voice betray their words. Fuk. Don't people know that of human communication; in the receiving portion, only 30% is verbal and the other 70% is from tone and body language. Ahhh....

Anyway.... (so mad)

The Girl (Not friend no more)..... where to start....


I woke extra early this morn so that I could have the time to stop at Tim's to pick up a Lg double double for my friend who exploded on me yesterday. Its her favorite Coffee. (I don't drink coffee). My intention was that is could be a Peace offering. I know she doesn't get to have them too often and when I do get her one she usually appreciates it.
Well Fuk that, not today... When I offered it to her, into the nearest garbage can it flew into. She threw it. Like it couldn;t get away from her fast enough.
Didn't say anything to me and wouldn't even acknowledge me... The whole darn day She was hostile, avoidable and didn't even look in my direction once all day.... (Do I have the Fuk'n Plague of a deadly disease)
Oh, and the Card.... I put so much thought and care into it... I went to three different places to find the right one. I picked up four others, but they were back ups.... It took me while to find the write word to use and write the card so that I can get what I wanted to say aross.... (Shit this upsets me)...
She just took the card, tore it up and trashed it..... (Fuk that hurt, still does, burns too)

....


I lost a friend today... Sucksass cause I'll see her everyday in class... I'll also work with her were I volunteer to... double sucks.... FUK.

This is a reason why I like guys. I expect this shit from them. And I can identify with the male persona more. ...lol... and if we do get pissed of we and just beat each other up... LOL (with boxing glove on of-course)

Its time like these being single sucks... the days when you just need a caring shoulder to lean on, and the comfort of a Hug just to know, "Its going to be Okay"... (My Preceptor would shoot me if he herd me say that) (Apparently it provides false sense of Hope.)
I just need Hope right now, and understanding....

"What did I do that was so Wrong to cause this effect???"

I need to hit the weights heavy or cardio hard at the gym... huge exam tomorrow and I can't focus my study and/or do revisions...

Thanks for the input and comments... they help. Keep them coming.



Aaron

PS.
I will try to figure out how to post pictures. Please give me some time. Cheers

Target...

Today is difficult to sum up. It was a, how should I put it... surprise...

I had a person, who I thought was a Friend, Rage out on me. The straw must have lander on her back, and she blew. It was a case of one of those things were I was in the wrong place at the wrong time I think. Nope, I know I didn't deserve it.

It was in the middle of class. I raised a hand to ask a question, and BAM!!! She blew. She stood up and let it all out. I let her finish with her spasm, Asked if she was done, and then said, "I am total shocked you feel that way and I truly am disappointed in you and you behavior". She blew off and attacked some more, and I responded, "I am sorry you feel that way". She then stormed out of class. I know I'm being vague, and I will try to be a little more clear... it just hard because her, episode was so random and made no sense and had no relevance.... it was like WTF!!!

She just exploded and went off about all the things she hates about me, the annoyances I have, I am too smart. Nerdy and then made/did a little childhood mimic of a scenario I did earlier in the day with a partner. F#$K it was so viscous and hateful. She snapped. So weird, because we were friends before the course started. I realize there is an age difference too. She is eight years younger than me. But Still.... That was so uncalled for...
I have never made anyone feel less of themselves or have insulted them...
.... TARGET.... That was it. That was me. Man it hurt, and stings still....
I just don't FRIK'n get it. I help out. I'm nice to everyone. I have been holding study sessions at my house for those wanting it, and I have been helping to tutor others who asked...
Nice thing about today is, everyone in the class stood up for me, or said something encouraging, and were just supportive of me. I feel good and all, but I feel worse because the girl, my friend who exploded, did it out of character... What is happening in her life that I haven't picked up on for her to SNAP.... I want to help her...

So, I need everyone's, Yes you the reader, to give me some input. I picked up a card for her. On the Front it says;

"Just the way you are, regardless of what you do or don't do,
past, present, and future, no matter where you go, even on your
not-so-good days... whatever you choose, with all your unique qualities,
simply because you're you... You Are Beautiful"

The card is blank on the inside. I wrote the following... Please comment and tell me if I did the right thing or if I'm a jerk, or ass or whatever... I just don't want to lose a Friend.




Dear __________

I just want to take this time, and let you know I care and I want to know if you are doing okay? I apologize if I have done anything that may have insulted or offended you. I have nothing but the utmost respect for you. I realize for you to lose your composure, lash out, verbally abuse , and then insult my intelligence.... you must be going through hard, and difficult times. I do not cast judgment on you, nor do I blame for your actions. People experience and go through life differently, encountering different obstacles along the way. Life can be unfair and cruel.

I think of you as a friend, but I now am in question if you ever thought the same about me.

I genuinely am a nice person, and a positive guy. I am attentive, eager to learn and intrigued by life and that is the reason I ask so many questions. I am most times "happy-go-lucky", and for good reason. If I were not, I would more than likely have been dead long ago. I am a good and even great friend to those who let me.

Despite what happened I do want us to be friends and build on that foundation.

I really do Care.

Your Friend,

Aaron

Tutor

Wow.... I just got in from Tutoring a few of the younger guys in Class. Turns out not many have College or Uni under their belt. I took anatomy and physiology in College when I was Personal Training. All I can say is I Love it when you see the light bulbs go from glowing Dim to a bright light like the Sun. I reviewed everything from Cell anatomy, up to How as EMT-A we can manipulate the Body system(s) ;with drugs and Tx; to regulate Homeostasis no mater the trauma or medical condition. It be great if I can teach EMT-A in the future once I have my Para-medicine.
Anyways Peeps, it late. a short post for tonight. Have school bright and early in the morn. \The school days are about 10hrs in length. Aw.... sigh... too too long.

Cheers

Aaron

A Broken Mold? Or somethig else?

Maybe as a guy I do have PMS...
Or I'm just F@#Ked up...
I consider myself Gay, buy every once in a while I meet that woman who just gets me ragging and I want to pound, or even try having a relationship with. It Confuses the heck out of me. Makes me sit on the fence. (There's PPls on my Class who turn me on if you haven;t guessed)
My Best Friend says it best, put as, "Just because you like to cook, it doesn't make you are a Chef". Buy why is that?
I do get turned on by women and guys... I've dated more women then men, but I enjoy gay sex more than straight sex, ... guys are more wild and it can be rougher... and a average manly guy with body hair, (nust be a Fetish) ... And then the big one,,, the threesome... HEAVEN :P.... Maybe its just me, and me being horny.... It been 7months since my last hook up. Well, not hook up. I don't have random sex. its been 7 months because I've been single for 6.
My last 2 relations were with guys... I'm babbling.
Well, Point is.. Why?
I ask GOD Why did he make me this way? Life would be so simple if I was a flaming Gay or a Jocky Breeder, but I'm Both. I am a Jock and Gay. Caught in the middle. ...
Maybe if I didn't have Morals, Values, or Respect it be easier? People wouldn't just assume I'm straight. It bugs me because I'm not and every new person I include into my life I have to come out... each time its a struggle (not because I'm afraid) but I have to LABEL/Categorize myself. I don't catagorize others, nor do I assume there sexuality because I know how it affects me.
I look at it as Loving a person, their soul, and not the body. Sex is good with men and women. Its my experience the the soul behind the body makes sex great. The Gender isn't everything...

Meh, its just one of those days... I just realize how different I am, but at the same time, I Love ME.
Its weird still. how it works out and all, life. I know life is good, and people are good...even sexy...

Cheers...

"Horny" Aaron

Blurry...

Today is just one to add in the bucket. It's a bit funny, ... Me, back in school. Oh ya. My classes began this week. What a gong show... Sorry for not posting sooner. I'll blame the College just because I can. Now, I'll fill you as to why;

Late last week, while out of town, I contacted the College and inquired as to why I haven't been notified of acceptance into the nursing programs (EMT-A) I applied for in early December. And, oh and its a big AND... They, they misplaces my... "how do I put it"... File. Yup my whole file. Like what the heck! How on earth can the administrative staff lose a potential students file??? I was frustrated at this.... WTF. My Program App, Crim Rec check, Vaccination report, Cover letter, Driving Trans., Copy of my Class4 Drivers license, My ALB Learning Transcripts, Resume, Copies of my Pre-Req credentials.... GONE... What did they do? Walk away... Man oh man,...

And silly little ol'me just kept my cool while on the tele (I was raging on the inside), I chalked it up to the busy holiday season, and the fact I live on another planet; (it feels like it sometimes)
But, but who does that? Oh, and get this, the only record the computer system showed was that I paid the application fee. WTH, 45$... GOD... Its not like I can whip everything up on a flash... most of the documents are official and cannot be copied.

Here's how it was. Course starts in two days. To get everything it would take at least 18 days (Crim Rec Check takes that long)... I phoned up many of the heads; Nursing Dept, Addmin, Cash Dept, Course Inst, and Student Serv. Luckily and gratefully everyone was willing to help and search as to what and why this happened. Phoned up my BF (Best friend), who was on the road leaving the city for the Big City. He came to my rescue. (Thank God). He turned around and headed back home so he can personally deliver the photocopies of all the records I turned into the college. (So happy I'm a geek, covering my ass and all) My BF is my BF because he/we lookout for each other like this. So awesome. I didn't even have to ask, I was just venting to him because if I didn't I'd explode, and he foresaw a way to help. Now only if he was Gay and not so skinny... lol

Dilemma ends because the college conditionally accepted me. I'm In. TFG....

So, Class started this week. The days are blurring together a bit. I have to get back into the study and research mode. This course is so harsh too. No easing the students in. Thrown in, and its swim or drown. Day one was Cell Anatomy and Physiology. Down to the basics. Makes sense, I took human anatomy and physiology in college. Its amazing how much info the brain can recall even over a large time period. I've been out of college for ummm.... ten years... Its coming back to me. I have a bit of an advantage over some of the students learning this for the first time.

oh wow. So Sorry. Have to cut this short. Have to jet. I work my volunteer shift at SJA in a few...
Ahh... busy busy busy.... I'll try to post again tomorrow.

Cheers

Aaron

Gay Christian...

Guilt is such a... troubling emotion. It just pops up at the weirdest of times to say, "Hello...I'm here"
Lets take right now for instance. I'm writing because I can't sleep. I can't sleep because I've been praying for a special someone... but get this. this is the thing I so dearly truly struggle with... Gay, and the Church... I felt guilty that I prayed to LORD, and I'm Gay.... Stupid I know, but its just something the Church has done to me. Yes The Bible says I'm living in Sin, and a Sin is a Sin... But let me ask you this... How many Sins are you committing and have to overcome to mine?
Grr.... All this conflict caused but rude people who make and cast judgment when it is not theirs do.
K. Getting agitated from what caused this, .... let me put it this way... Jehovah Witness came to my house and tried to convert me. It wasn't the first time.... so .... juvenile they were... rude to. Snakes in Sheep's clothing... Oh well... They paid for their prejudiced... The two People who came, left in shame... My few Sins was nothing compared to their many, and they tried to convince me being Gay was the ultimate Sin.... Ya right. As if... I know My stuff well enough...
lol... I'm starting to feel a little light hearted now. K.
Back to Tyler....I've been Praying Man. Got a small circle and group doing it. Pull through. You can to it.

I'll Chat more later. Gotta wake up in a few Hrs... yuck...

Golden Dreams Peeps

Aaron

Prayers For a Special Soul...

Just a quick post.....
A fellow blogger I've been following is in desperat need of some help. He is a Bright young man with a good kind heart who has been in a accident. All I ask if for everyone to to please give a prayer, a thought, a part of your strength to help him onto the road of recovery. Religious, Spiritual or not, We as people have the power to make a different.... Please have Faith it will help.
The Person I am referring to is named Tyler and his Blog is http://illdotricksforyou.blogspot.com/

Thank you for all your efforts and kindness...
We do, and can have strength by numbers....

God Bless...

Aaron

Getting into the swing of things...

So far the New Years has been kind, I think. Still getting ready for the transition from employee to student. If I'm lucky, College will go smoothly, but thus far the road is not paved.
So, when and how often does one write one of these blog things? I think daily my be excessive, my life is too bust to do that. I know ppls use their iphone to blog, but I'm holding out for the new Google phone. I just want to be different. I was thinking about the new HTC Hero, but I don't know enough to consider switching cell phone providers. K. Off topic.

The past week has been interesting. The college rang me up and need a copy of all my vaccinations to date, a Criminal Rec Check and a Resume with Cover letter. I thought is was a little much but that I remembered for a lot of the training and course I'll be working in the ER of the local hospital. Lucky Me I have a recent Crim Rec because of my volunteer work, and I have records of all my shots... lol ( I sound like a dog, having my shots and all). now, the tricky part was the cover letter. How on earth to you write a cover letter to enter a EMT-A course. It just baffled me a bit, but I'll post what I came up with. I may omit some key points of my location, but hopefully you my point will get across. My it help others.

Here's some good news. I'm slowly gaining more mass. I'm up 8lbs in three weeks. Booya Baby. Now at 203lbs and still bulking. It feels nice to be getting my body back. I was a natural body builder six years back. My boyfriend at the time loved it, but dumped my ass when I put myself in the hospital from a big snowboarding accident. Was so bad. I came close to destroying my back. Tore so much muscle and was temperately paralyzed from it. Sucked so muck. Scary too. Went from 225 of lean muscle to 165lbs. Skinny guy. My BF at the time got scared I guess and left me. Couldn't really blame him. No one wants to date a disabled person. I would, and have, but I'm a unique person. I'm very lucky that I got away only having sciatica. Its a chronic disorder where you always have back pain, but I can manage it. Geee... I think its the first time since the accident that I've topped 200... That realization has be pumped. Happy tomorrow is leg day. I'm gonna push so hard. Yaaa!!!

Cheers

Aaron

Here is the Cover letter:

Dear ***********;


I am applying in response to the Emergency Medical Technician program. I wish to enroll and complete this program so that I may enter a career in the medical field.

I am a hardworking individual: quick, eager to learn and attempt new things. I have the ability to adopt skills and knowledge from others and incorporate them into my practice. I am mechanically inclined and understand the functionality as well as the limits of equipment to become a very efficient student. I streamline tasks and am very capable of working in a team environment or unsupervised. When required, I am resourceful to accomplish a job. I have had the privilege of developing great safety, communication, people and record keeping skills, as well as being task-oriented and very conscientious about the quality of my work.

Presently, I am employed full-time at ************* as a *************** Specialist, and a volunteer First Medical Responder with St John Ambulance. You may find further details of my employment history in my attached resume.

For the greater part of my life I have been a part of the health and safety, and the first-aid industry. As a child I had obtained my standard first-aid certificate and maintained it fully. In my early teens I obtained more advanced care and my NLS (National Lifeguard Services) certificate. As I entered adulthood I became a Red Cross First-aid instructor for the Baby Sitting guidelines, and a NLS instructor/trainer for the province of Alberta. I took extra training in college and obtained my AFLCA (Alberta Fitness and Leadership Certification Association) where I began personal training. I now have obtained my EMR certificate and wish to proceed on to my EMT-A.

Currently, I am looking to establish a long-term career with a respectful employer when this program is completed. With my experience and learning ability, I feel that I would be a valuable student within your program.

If you have any questions or concerns, do not hesitate to contact me at the above telephone number. I look forward to discussing my qualifications and experiences with you in person.

Thank you for your consideration of my application for your program.

Sincerely,

2010.... What am I getting myself into.

Hello.

For My first post I wish to keep this short, and to the point. This is going to be the blog for me, a coping mechanism to I just did and what I am about to do. I know this does not make must sense now, but it will with future post.

Here is a brief cap of what to expect and understand:

Me, I'm an old fart of sorts. lol... not really but I do feel as thou I am some times.
I've just turned thirty. I look and act like I'm 26, so I've been told.
I'm 6'2" and shy of 200lbs. I work out five times a week and have an athletic build. I grow up in the CDN rocky mountains which as helped shape me into the man I am today. I love to play sports and hang with the guys. I'm a guys guys and get mistaken for a straight bloke all the time. Kind of annoying. I do consider myself gay, but people and society say I'm Bi. Ya, okay. Jokes on you.

Anyway, about this blog. It is a new years resolution for me. I've been a blog follow for the lost part of the year and it seems to help others. I hope it does the same for me. I will need it. Why? because I feel stupid...

I'm 30 y/o. Work in the oilsands in HD trade. Make about 130k a year. (did I mention I only work about half the year), Have the 550k house, the Nice SUV, Car, Saving, RRSP, and I have just walked away from it all.... yup. Just quit and am in the process of leaving it. In 2009 It was a ground breaking year for me. I hit a low with my lover, friends, faith and family.
I've discovered Money isn't everything and I've decided to follow a passion of mine. Pursuing a career as a EMT-A and Firefighter. Back to college I go in just over a week, and, ...
The dreaded closet. I now given this choice I've made and were I live there are no Gay Firefighters. I'm now going to challenge that and attempt to prove to my community they are wrong.

I think that is about it for now. I'm more concerned about this "having my own blog" thing and making everything work. I need to try to learn this software and ... stuff.

Cheers

Aaron